How To Handle Rejection In The Workplace


Have you ever worked in a hostile environment? You might be there right now, where no matter how hard you try, nothing is ever good enough . Are you in an environment where it seems as if everyone is against you? Have you faced bullying from colleagues? 

I want you to know that you are not alone. I would like to share a few tips with you on how to handle rejection in your work environment. Rejection is the dismissing or refusing of a proposal idea etc. It is the action of spurning a person’s affections. It is very hard to work in an environment where it is hostile. Hostility chokes one’s creativity but with these tips I am about to provide, you will overcome and rise above rejection in the workplace. 

What if I told you that the hostility that you have experienced and are experiencing actually serves a purpose. 

1. You are not defined by the rejection that you are enduring in your work environment. 

Rejection happens in the lives of every human being; no one is exempt from rejection. You are not defined by your colleagues’ or manager’s inability to handle you. You are not defined by the failure that you have experienced in your workplace. 

2. Rejection in the workplace is an opportunity to celebrate. 

Rejection is an indication and it is an announcement that you are bigger than the environment that you are in. I often use the scenario of a baby being born as an illustration of rejection. When the womb becomes too small to accommodate the baby, it rejects the baby and that’s when labour begins. When you experience rejection in your work environment, there are two things that are happening; (i) your environment is announcing to you that you are too big for the environment that you are in and (ii) you are being positioned for promotion- hostility is an indication that there is an opportunity. 

3. Rejection positions you for purpose. 

When you are rejected, there is a greater purpose. When I started my first job after graduating from university, I had learnt a lot of new skills, I had met a lot of people but it was a hostile environment. By November 2013, it got so stressful as well as other factors in my personal life I got ill. I almost died. Everything I did in my workplace, there was always criticism. When I left the room, they gossiped about me and made fun of me when I was ill. I remained respectful because I knew that my future was brewing. The conception of Release Me was bubbling on the inside of me that’s all I was thinking of. I looked into their criticism and improved my work ethic and I worked in excellence;  by the time my contract ended,  every task was completed. When I left my job at the end of my contract, my purpose began to come forth. By December 2014, the planning of Release Me had started. By October 2015, Release Me was launched. By November 2015, the manuscript for my book was completed- I had discovered my passion which led me to purpose and I discovered my strengths. 

4. Focus on your strengths not your weakness

In your work environment, fill out a SWOT analysis. This allows you to identify your strengths, weaknesses, opportunities and threats in your work environment. Magnify and focus on your strengths and opportunities. Speak to your supervisors and managers on how you can best be supported with your weak areas or try to share tasks that you are weak with with colleagues who are gifted in those areas. 

5. In the case of bullying and hostility- get in touch with your Union & HR department. 

Speak to your manager first and if that does not work, take it to your senior manager. There are grievance procedures which can be taken by your HR department to remedy what you are experiencing. 

6. Know who you are.

Identity is a very important element when facing rejection in the workplace. For about nine months I accepted the hostility and something in me woke up- I realised that the new  love that I found for myself could not facilitate the disrespect that was being shown towards me. When I stopped accepting the hostility, more respect was shown.

7. Rejection is often perceived not intended

Sometimes the rejecter does not realise that they are rejecting you. When I started to perceive that the sudden hostility could be because of issues in their personal life, that increased my compassion towards them. 

8. Don’t retaliate- don’t be hostile 

Remain respectful. Be diplomatic but let it be known that respect must be shown.

9. Accept it 

When facing rejection, assess it, accept it and remain focused on your goal. 

10. Rejection is a reflection of the rejector. Remain authentic and when you get to this point, that is when you are unbreakable and unstoppable. 

Remember that you have  been rejected for purpose. God bless you and thanks for reading.

10 Keys To Overcoming Rejection In Your Family 

  

Rejection from family members is one of the most painful experiences one could have. Your family is where you are supposed to feel protected and where you can be you but this is not always the case. In my last blog, I wrote about the experiences of rejection faced by David and Joseph. I dealt with the fact that the rejection they experienced actually acted as a vehicle that ushered them into a place of rulership. 

Below are a few important points on understanding rejection from family members and how to overcome rejection from family;

1) Being rejected by family members does not mean that something is wrong with you, it is what’s right with you that causes people to reject you. You are rejected because the rejector does not have the capacity to receive what’s on the inside of you. 

2) You have been rejected for purpose

3) People often reject what they don’t understand

4) Rejection from family members can sometimes lead to isolation- there is purpose behind the isolation, isolation births revelation of your identity and purpose especially when you are chosen to be the curse breaker in your family.

5) Rejection from your family leads you to uncommon favour with the Lord. David and Joseph found favour with the Lord. 

6) Rejection leads to rulership- David was anointed king over Israel (1Samuel 16:13) and Joseph became ruler and second in command to Pharoah over Egypt (Genesis 41:40-46). Jephthah’s rejection from his family led him to conquering the enemies of his people (Judges 11:32-33).

7) Rejection from family drives you into the hand of God (Psalm 27:10) 

God will personally take care of you. People always said to me “Dahna you are so spoilt, you get everything you pray for”, my response was “that is  the treatment you get when God becomes your mother and your father”.

8) Understand that family members cannot give you what they don’t have- there is a high chance that they have been rejected too and have not had the strength to deal with it. Their coping mechanism is rejecting others. 

9) True healing takes place when you stop expecting family members to approve of you. Only God can approve of you because He created you. People cannot  approve of something they did not create.

10) Forgiveness- forgiveness is for you not the rejector. When you release the pain of rejection, new doors of breakthrough will start to open for you. Forgiveness is a key to your breakthrough (Matthew 16:19, Matthew 18:18). 

Dealing With Rejection In Your Family 

  
Rejection from family is one of the most painful experiences I endured throughout my life. It is only now that I have found the courage to speak on this because I see the hand of God upon my life and I see the purpose in the many rejections that I have experienced throughout my childhood, adolescence and early adulthood. Rejection is the dismissing or refusing of a proposal or idea. It is the action of spurning a person’s affection. There are many accounts of rejection from family members in the bible. 

Joseph

Joseph’s brothers hated him because his father favoured him more than his brothers, his father gave him a coat of many colours- Genesis 37. The fact that Joseph had a dream, this fuelled hatred in his brothers for him even the more. In Genesis  chapter 37:12-17, it shows that Joseph’s brothers ostracised him, he was not included in the feeding of the flock- the root of the rejection from Joseph’s brothers stemmed from envy because Joseph had a dream. With envy and jealousy I call it ‘envyjelism’, exclusion happens to make you think that there is something wrong with you; I am writing to let you know that there is nothing wrong with you, when you are rejected, it says a lot more about the rejector than you. There is purpose in the exclusion. The truth is that your family’s exclusion of you shows their incapability of handling who you are. I have discovered that oftentimes the person in the family who carries the key to breaking the generational curses and bringing breakthrough to that family is always rejected and isolated. 

Why Does This Happen?

Isolation births revelation- if you are in the mix and if you are included in everything, you will not see the difference within you. Isolation as a result of rejection helps you to identify and appreciate your difference. The rejection of Joseph’s brothers led him to the pit which ushered him to Pharaoh’s palace. Rejection happens when the rejector has failed to recognise the value within the individual being rejected. Joseph’s brothers failed to see the purpose that was upon Joseph’s life but their rejection of Joseph served a purpose; he had to be the ruler over Egypt and the only way he could have gotten there was by way of his brothers rejecting him and throwing him in the pit.

David 

In 1 Samuel chapter 16, the Lord tells Samuel to go and anoint the next king of Israel which happened to live in the house of Jesse. Jesse had eight sons but only seven were invited to this anointing ceremony. In 1 Samuel chapter 16:10, Jesse made all seven sons go before Samuel and the Lord rejected all of them. It was when Samuel asked Jesse, that is when he remembered that he had an eighth son. Have you been dismissed by your parents or family members? Have you ever been reduced to just being the little ‘shepherd boy or girl” in your family? Have you been placed in the background because they don’t think that you are even worth the investment? If your answe to these questions are yes, I want you to know that God has a plan for you. Just like David, in the eyes of his brothers,  he was just a shepherd boy but that was his place of preparation, it was this rejection from his father and brother that qualified him to becoming the next king of Israel. The rejection that you have endured in your family is a direct indication that you are called to deliver them. Joseph became ruler over Egypt and the deliverer to his family from famine and David was chosen to take out Goliath. Both Joseph and David’s rejection led them to a place of ruler ship- they went from rejection to ruler ship.

God bless you and thank you for reading.

Dealing With Rejection In The Church (Part 2)

Rejection Poster 2

“A rejection is nothing more than a necessary step in the pursuit of success”- Bo Bennett

Below are a few points on dealing with rejection in the church;

1.Understand that rejection is redirection and relocation to your new place of purpose and destiny- Joseph’s brothers rejected him and that rejection led him to the pit which ushered him to Pharaoh’s palace.

2. Sometimes God will allow rejection to happen to redirect your focus to God as your only source.

3. When rejection happens in the church (the people), it is an indication that what you are carrying is far too big for the reject-er to handle. Healing from rejection starts when you realise that the same people who have rejected you may  have also been rejected.

4. Healing begins when you start to experience the unconditional love of God through His word and worship.

5. Healing begins when you accept the rejection- accepting that the rejection has taken starts the healing process and you will start to see that  the issue does not lie with you but the issue lies with the reject-er. Please note that acceptance of the rejection is different to reacting to the rejection.

6. Healing from rejection within the church starts when you stop reacting to it- my mentor said to me a few years ago that rejection is not valid if you are chasing the person who has and is rejecting you- it is when you keep reacting to their rejection- that is when the pain of rejection is birthed .

7. Accept that the person does not have the capacity to love you- they cannot give you what they do not have and that is when you will get the power to love again.

8. Understand that the church (the people) is not perfect. Everyone is wounded and hurt in some type of way. The Church is like a hospital, everyone who visits the hospital has an ailment and it is the same with the church, everyone who attends has an ailment in their spirit, soul and body and have come to see the chief physician which is Jesus Christ for their healing.

9. Disappointment in the form of rejection happens when you place unrealistic expectations on others and when you are looking for approval from people instead of God; no one can love you or accept you like God can.

10. Remember that you have been rejected for a purpose and that Jesus loves you.

God bless you and thank you for reading.

 

 

 

Dealing With Rejection In The Church (Part 1)

For the past few weeks I have been writing on rejection, what it is, the characteristics of rejection, fear of rejection and self rejection. I wrote on the fact that when rejection happens, it is because the environment that you are looking to for acceptance is incapable of handling the greatness that is on the inside of you.

I would like to focus on rejection in the church. There are so many wounded souls within the church and there are so many who have left the church because they have been rejected by leaders and others who have been set to watch over and protect them. I am writing this blog to all those who have suffered rejection in the one place that you expected to be accepted- The Church.

So who and what is The Church?

The Church is commonly defined as a building used for public worship; many people refer to the church as an organisation- but the word church in the bible comes from the Greek word Ecclesia which means a called out company or assembly- whenever the word church is used in the bible, it is referring to people- 1 Corinthians 1v2. So when I am talking about being rejected in the church, I am talking about being rejected by the people who are the church not God- you see Jesus’ love for you is unconditional and nothing that you do could ever make God reject you or stop loving you.  One thing that helped my healing process from rejection was that;

The Rejecter has also been rejected

I see a cycle within the body of Christ, there are so many leaders who have been rejected by their spiritual fathers, that has created this vicious cycle of rejection. What we have are rejected spiritual sons and daughters turning into spiritual mothers and fathers who are now rejecting their spiritual sons and daughters. It takes a level of maturity and getting into a place of revelation to see the spirit behind rejection within the church. The result of this type of rejection is that there are spiritual sons and daughters who have and are still walking around not understanding their identity and looking to other spiritual fathers/mothers for the spiritual validation that should have been given to them by their spiritual fathers.

Solution

The solution to this is seeking God and discovering what God is saying about you- your identity and purpose is found in God and oftentimes, I believe that God will purposely hide your call and assignment from the man of God. I am not saying this is always the case because the man of God is set to guide, guard and protect you. However, God does not always reveal everything to the man of God concerning you. I experienced this is in my personal life, I could not understand why my spiritual father at the time could not see what God was telling me about my purpose and destiny- my purpose got so intense that I could barely sleep or eat. I had to step outside of the boat and with that decision came rejection.

Was I upset? yes, I was on the verge of bitterness especially when I had dealt with my natural father not being in my life throughout my teenage years but in my metamorphosis process, God began to show me that rejection meant redirection and where I was positioned at the time, my environment could no longer accommodate the greatness that I was carrying on the inside of me. I started to love and appreciate my leaders from my past as, if they had accepted me and approved of me, I would have remained in the same place; I recognised that my leaders may have also experienced rejection at some point in their lives and may not have noticed that they were passing on the same treatment. I started seeing God’s hand in the rejection. The rejection was just a vehicle that was transporting me to my place of purpose and destiny.

God bless you and thank you for reading 

 

Rejected For Purpose 

  
For the last three weeks, I have dealt with the pain of rejection, the fear of rejection and the characteristics of self rejection. I wrote in my previous blogs that rejection leads to the fear of rejection and self rejection. When an individual experiences rejection, they go through life guarding themselves from future rejection and they do this by building walls which keeps other people out of their lives. The other manifestation of rejection is self rejection- because of the rejection experienced, you think something is wrong with you so you start rejecting your self and if not dealt with, it starts to lead to other areas such as depression, addiction and suicide.

In this article, I want to focus on the fact that you are rejected for purpose. Throughout my experiences of rejection, I have learnt a few things;

  • Rejection is God’s protection
  • Rejection is a direct indication that you have now outgrown your environment and it is now time to move to your next dimension.
  • Rejection is an indication that there is greater in you and better for you.
  • Rejection is an indication that what is inside of you, the people in your environment do not have the capacity to handle what is on the inside of you. 

When I think of rejection, the analogy that comes to me is that of a baby in a mother’s womb, when it is time for that baby to come forth, the womb rejects the baby because the baby has outgrown its environment. In the scriptures, we see many people who have suffered rejection but we see how their rejection has worked for a greater good. 

Jesus

At Jesus’s birth there was no room for Mary to give birth at the inn (Luke 2:7), so Mary had to give birth to Jesus in a manger. In the manger, animals, tools and agricultural produce were stored. Jesus’ birth was not perfect yet he became the saviour of the world. Jesus was rejected by His own people, His very own people came together and had Him crucified- they chose Barrabas to be freed and Jesus to be crucified. But Jesus’ death had purpose because three days later He rose from the dead and it is because of His sacrifice and because of the blood of Jesus we have full access to God and His grace. The rejection of Jesus had and still has  purpose (Psalm 118:22).

Jephthah  

In Judges chapter 11:1, the bible describes Jephthah as a mighty man of valour. It also says that Jephthah was the son of a harlot(prostitute). His father’s wife had more sons and they threw him out because of who his mother was. Have you ever been rejected because of who your mum or your dad was? I have- but God saw it fit to use Jephthah to conquer the children of Ammon (Judges 11:32-33).

Joseph

Joseph was rejected by his brothers because he had favour with his father and he had a dream. They plotted to kill him and instead they threw him in the pit and sold him to the Ishmaelites for 30 pieces of silver- yet these series of events led him to becoming the ruler of Egypt and providing strategies and solutions for a famine that was getting ready to hit Egypt and he was able to save his brothers and his father.

There is a purpose to your rejection. You have been rejected because what you are carrying on the inside of you is far too big for the environment that you are in.  Rejection happens when you put the responsibility of accepting and loving you on other people who are incapable of handling the true essence of who you are. 

When God’s Hand Is On You

One of the attributes of knowing God’s hand is on you is rejection. When God’s hand is upon you, you will be misunderstood. What people do not understand, they tend to reject. If there is no purpose to a relationship, God will allow rejection in order for you to experience better. At this point in my life, I recognise that rejection is a perception issue. Rejection is often perceived not always intended by the person who you have been rejected by nevertheless it still hurts. You see, it will hurt for a while, but you will see the purpose behind your pain.

To conclude, I want you to know that you have been rejected for a purpose. Open up your heart and receive the love that God has for you. Rejection is painful but rejection actually acts as a catalyst that propels you into discovering your purpose and destiny (O.J. Toks- Rejected For A Purpose). True healing starts when you start to realise that you have been rejected for purpose. If you would like to connect, you can email me on Dahna.fearon@releaseme.org.uk. 

God bless you and thank you for reading

The Characteristics Of Self Rejection 

  
Last week I dealt with the characteristics of someone dealing with the fear of rejection. This week I will be dealing with the characteristics of one who is experiencing or who has experienced self rejection. Self rejection is another product of rejection by others. When a person accepts rejection from another, they buy into the lie that they are unworthy of acceptance by themselves- self rejection therefore releases other negative emotions.

Hurt

 When hurt presents itself, the person who is now rejecting themselves, they now feel like they have done everything wrong. In my teenage years I struggled with a lot of hurt. I was aggressive but I was extremely sensitive. By the age of 15-18 years old I struggled with hurt so much that I used to tell myself everyday that I hated me. The hurt I endured in my home and in my childhood made me wish I did not exist. With this came low self esteem.It’s in my mid 20’s that I noticed that this hurt was acting as a blockage to my next level of success and breakthrough. In my teen years to my early 20’s every time I was in the  presence of authoratative figures, I had the feeling of unworthiness and I always felt like “I did something wrong”. It was with this self sabotaging trait that I attracted certain people that had no business being apart of my life and speaking into my life. The minute I starting grasping a sense of who I am, I started shutting some doors on relationships that no longer meant me any good. 

Self Pity

This is the “poor me” syndrome with self pity, one becomes conscious and aware of their inadequacies; they start having the perspective that no one seems to understand or care what is happening to them. I had moments of pity throughout my adolescent years and early adulthood, I started focusing more on what I was weak at rather than what I was good at. But In December 2012, that started to change when I discovered the book ‘The Purpose Driven Life’ that my teacher gave me. I started becoming aware of my purpose and the passions that were buried deep within me. Upon this discovery I stopped focusing on ‘me’ and started looking for those who I was called and purposed to help. This has and is still a journey. Self pity still tried to get me some days but the key is honing in and focusing on your strengths.

Despair

Another word for hopelessness. Despair happens when a person has totally rejected themselves; they cannot see themselves as capable of being loved by others, so they reject the love others are trying to give them. They find it hard to receive gifts and acts of kindness. Despair then leads to a hopeless state of mind. I struggled with the idea of being loved especially after what happened to me when I was 12 years old. So I shut the doors to potential relationships. With that I still believed that I was being processed so I wasn’t available but I still felt unworthy of love because of the many times I was rejected. There weren’t a lot of offers but there was one, I almost missed it because I felt unworthy of his love. God has delivered me, it’s a process. 

Depression

Depression comes with self rejection- this is where the person resigns themselves to the fact that they are useless. Depression then becomes a very thick wall around one that does not  come down easily. For years I struggled with depression, I hid it perfectly with my makeup and beautiful outfits and shoes. From 2014 to now, God has delivered me, there are days when it tries to come back but with persistence in prayer praise and worship and being involved in fulfilling my purpose, depression has had to take a back seat. I am sensitive to the fact that not everyone deals with depression this way, so get the necessary help that you need from counsellors and faith leaders i.e. pastors, elders, ministers etc. 

Isolation

With hopelessness, self rejection leads to the withdrawal from society. There is the preconceived notion that society will never miss you because you have nothing to contribute to it. 

Suicide

Suicide then becomes the ultimate withdrawal. At this stage, there is a desperation that happens that they develop an underlying death wish. Suicide is the ultimate ego trip. Once a person has rejected themself, they are turned in at this point and total attention is on self- they become their own God, even at the point of making the decision to take their own life. At the age of 13, I wanted to end my life but I failed when I felt God’s presence cover me and I heard His voice say it’s not your time to die. When I look at my life now I realise that I was making a permanent decision in a temporary situation. That negative situation will not last forever. God has great plans for you. He has thoughts of peace and not of evil. He plans to give you hope in your final outcome (Jeremiah 29:11 AMP). 

You see the fear of rejection is aggressive so a person who has accepted rejection will show the  physical manifestations of what is happening internally. Whilst self rejection is passive and  is therefore internalised. I want everyone who will read this to know that Jesus loves you and as I write this I feel the burden in your heart, Give it to God He is waiting for you to give it to Him. If you don’t believe in Him, He is waiting to accept you.

God bless you and thank you for reading.

This study on rejection was sourced via http://www.isob-bible.org