10 Keys To Overcoming Rejection In Your Family 

  

Rejection from family members is one of the most painful experiences one could have. Your family is where you are supposed to feel protected and where you can be you but this is not always the case. In my last blog, I wrote about the experiences of rejection faced by David and Joseph. I dealt with the fact that the rejection they experienced actually acted as a vehicle that ushered them into a place of rulership. 

Below are a few important points on understanding rejection from family members and how to overcome rejection from family;

1) Being rejected by family members does not mean that something is wrong with you, it is what’s right with you that causes people to reject you. You are rejected because the rejector does not have the capacity to receive what’s on the inside of you. 

2) You have been rejected for purpose

3) People often reject what they don’t understand

4) Rejection from family members can sometimes lead to isolation- there is purpose behind the isolation, isolation births revelation of your identity and purpose especially when you are chosen to be the curse breaker in your family.

5) Rejection from your family leads you to uncommon favour with the Lord. David and Joseph found favour with the Lord. 

6) Rejection leads to rulership- David was anointed king over Israel (1Samuel 16:13) and Joseph became ruler and second in command to Pharoah over Egypt (Genesis 41:40-46). Jephthah’s rejection from his family led him to conquering the enemies of his people (Judges 11:32-33).

7) Rejection from family drives you into the hand of God (Psalm 27:10) 

God will personally take care of you. People always said to me “Dahna you are so spoilt, you get everything you pray for”, my response was “that is  the treatment you get when God becomes your mother and your father”.

8) Understand that family members cannot give you what they don’t have- there is a high chance that they have been rejected too and have not had the strength to deal with it. Their coping mechanism is rejecting others. 

9) True healing takes place when you stop expecting family members to approve of you. Only God can approve of you because He created you. People cannot  approve of something they did not create.

10) Forgiveness- forgiveness is for you not the rejector. When you release the pain of rejection, new doors of breakthrough will start to open for you. Forgiveness is a key to your breakthrough (Matthew 16:19, Matthew 18:18). 

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Dealing With Rejection In Your Family 

  
Rejection from family is one of the most painful experiences I endured throughout my life. It is only now that I have found the courage to speak on this because I see the hand of God upon my life and I see the purpose in the many rejections that I have experienced throughout my childhood, adolescence and early adulthood. Rejection is the dismissing or refusing of a proposal or idea. It is the action of spurning a person’s affection. There are many accounts of rejection from family members in the bible. 

Joseph

Joseph’s brothers hated him because his father favoured him more than his brothers, his father gave him a coat of many colours- Genesis 37. The fact that Joseph had a dream, this fuelled hatred in his brothers for him even the more. In Genesis  chapter 37:12-17, it shows that Joseph’s brothers ostracised him, he was not included in the feeding of the flock- the root of the rejection from Joseph’s brothers stemmed from envy because Joseph had a dream. With envy and jealousy I call it ‘envyjelism’, exclusion happens to make you think that there is something wrong with you; I am writing to let you know that there is nothing wrong with you, when you are rejected, it says a lot more about the rejector than you. There is purpose in the exclusion. The truth is that your family’s exclusion of you shows their incapability of handling who you are. I have discovered that oftentimes the person in the family who carries the key to breaking the generational curses and bringing breakthrough to that family is always rejected and isolated. 

Why Does This Happen?

Isolation births revelation- if you are in the mix and if you are included in everything, you will not see the difference within you. Isolation as a result of rejection helps you to identify and appreciate your difference. The rejection of Joseph’s brothers led him to the pit which ushered him to Pharaoh’s palace. Rejection happens when the rejector has failed to recognise the value within the individual being rejected. Joseph’s brothers failed to see the purpose that was upon Joseph’s life but their rejection of Joseph served a purpose; he had to be the ruler over Egypt and the only way he could have gotten there was by way of his brothers rejecting him and throwing him in the pit.

David 

In 1 Samuel chapter 16, the Lord tells Samuel to go and anoint the next king of Israel which happened to live in the house of Jesse. Jesse had eight sons but only seven were invited to this anointing ceremony. In 1 Samuel chapter 16:10, Jesse made all seven sons go before Samuel and the Lord rejected all of them. It was when Samuel asked Jesse, that is when he remembered that he had an eighth son. Have you been dismissed by your parents or family members? Have you ever been reduced to just being the little ‘shepherd boy or girl” in your family? Have you been placed in the background because they don’t think that you are even worth the investment? If your answe to these questions are yes, I want you to know that God has a plan for you. Just like David, in the eyes of his brothers,  he was just a shepherd boy but that was his place of preparation, it was this rejection from his father and brother that qualified him to becoming the next king of Israel. The rejection that you have endured in your family is a direct indication that you are called to deliver them. Joseph became ruler over Egypt and the deliverer to his family from famine and David was chosen to take out Goliath. Both Joseph and David’s rejection led them to a place of ruler ship- they went from rejection to ruler ship.

God bless you and thank you for reading.

The Characteristics Of Self Rejection 

  
Last week I dealt with the characteristics of someone dealing with the fear of rejection. This week I will be dealing with the characteristics of one who is experiencing or who has experienced self rejection. Self rejection is another product of rejection by others. When a person accepts rejection from another, they buy into the lie that they are unworthy of acceptance by themselves- self rejection therefore releases other negative emotions.

Hurt

 When hurt presents itself, the person who is now rejecting themselves, they now feel like they have done everything wrong. In my teenage years I struggled with a lot of hurt. I was aggressive but I was extremely sensitive. By the age of 15-18 years old I struggled with hurt so much that I used to tell myself everyday that I hated me. The hurt I endured in my home and in my childhood made me wish I did not exist. With this came low self esteem.It’s in my mid 20’s that I noticed that this hurt was acting as a blockage to my next level of success and breakthrough. In my teen years to my early 20’s every time I was in the  presence of authoratative figures, I had the feeling of unworthiness and I always felt like “I did something wrong”. It was with this self sabotaging trait that I attracted certain people that had no business being apart of my life and speaking into my life. The minute I starting grasping a sense of who I am, I started shutting some doors on relationships that no longer meant me any good. 

Self Pity

This is the “poor me” syndrome with self pity, one becomes conscious and aware of their inadequacies; they start having the perspective that no one seems to understand or care what is happening to them. I had moments of pity throughout my adolescent years and early adulthood, I started focusing more on what I was weak at rather than what I was good at. But In December 2012, that started to change when I discovered the book ‘The Purpose Driven Life’ that my teacher gave me. I started becoming aware of my purpose and the passions that were buried deep within me. Upon this discovery I stopped focusing on ‘me’ and started looking for those who I was called and purposed to help. This has and is still a journey. Self pity still tried to get me some days but the key is honing in and focusing on your strengths.

Despair

Another word for hopelessness. Despair happens when a person has totally rejected themselves; they cannot see themselves as capable of being loved by others, so they reject the love others are trying to give them. They find it hard to receive gifts and acts of kindness. Despair then leads to a hopeless state of mind. I struggled with the idea of being loved especially after what happened to me when I was 12 years old. So I shut the doors to potential relationships. With that I still believed that I was being processed so I wasn’t available but I still felt unworthy of love because of the many times I was rejected. There weren’t a lot of offers but there was one, I almost missed it because I felt unworthy of his love. God has delivered me, it’s a process. 

Depression

Depression comes with self rejection- this is where the person resigns themselves to the fact that they are useless. Depression then becomes a very thick wall around one that does not  come down easily. For years I struggled with depression, I hid it perfectly with my makeup and beautiful outfits and shoes. From 2014 to now, God has delivered me, there are days when it tries to come back but with persistence in prayer praise and worship and being involved in fulfilling my purpose, depression has had to take a back seat. I am sensitive to the fact that not everyone deals with depression this way, so get the necessary help that you need from counsellors and faith leaders i.e. pastors, elders, ministers etc. 

Isolation

With hopelessness, self rejection leads to the withdrawal from society. There is the preconceived notion that society will never miss you because you have nothing to contribute to it. 

Suicide

Suicide then becomes the ultimate withdrawal. At this stage, there is a desperation that happens that they develop an underlying death wish. Suicide is the ultimate ego trip. Once a person has rejected themself, they are turned in at this point and total attention is on self- they become their own God, even at the point of making the decision to take their own life. At the age of 13, I wanted to end my life but I failed when I felt God’s presence cover me and I heard His voice say it’s not your time to die. When I look at my life now I realise that I was making a permanent decision in a temporary situation. That negative situation will not last forever. God has great plans for you. He has thoughts of peace and not of evil. He plans to give you hope in your final outcome (Jeremiah 29:11 AMP). 

You see the fear of rejection is aggressive so a person who has accepted rejection will show the  physical manifestations of what is happening internally. Whilst self rejection is passive and  is therefore internalised. I want everyone who will read this to know that Jesus loves you and as I write this I feel the burden in your heart, Give it to God He is waiting for you to give it to Him. If you don’t believe in Him, He is waiting to accept you.

God bless you and thank you for reading.

This study on rejection was sourced via http://www.isob-bible.org