Psychology – Destiny Moments

The Unemployed Graduate

Blog 2

Graduating from University was a huge achievement for me, firstly because I was the first in my immediate family to graduate and secondly I had to overcome a lot of emotional, mental and physical barriers in order to wear that gown on that amazing day called ‘Graduation’. I was on cloud nine and there was nothing anyone could tell me that could prevent me from dreaming and expecting for my great future. Just 2-4 weeks later reality had hit home I need a job!!!!!! I started applying and I started looking at different things that I could do; I mean my University boasted about 60% of its graduates got a job within 6 months of graduating so I was hopeful and after all I was only 2 weeks in to unemployment. What I had not anticipated was that I was going to be unemployed for seven months. Every interview I was invited to, their response was ‘you’re overqualified’. By November I had enough.

But there was hope, seven months later after I had graduated, I started a new role in HR and I was excited as it had some relevance to what I had studied at University but just one year later I became unemployed again because the contract was only for a year and that season continued for another 3 years and 9 months. The purpose of this article is to encourage those of you who are facing unemployment. It is to let you know that you are in one of the best seasons of your life- How so? I hear some of you ask?

You see in those three years and nine months God blessed me to start my own movement Release Me where I facilitated workshops and God blessed my mind and hands to write and self publish my first book and so many opportunities came out of that. Sometimes what we think is rejection is actually God’s way of redirecting our paths to places and opportunities that we could have never thought of by ourselves had we not walked through this way of our process. I don’t despise those seasons of unemployment- God used it to mould me into the woman that I am today and He allowed me to discover parts of me that I never knew existed. So here are a few spiritual and practical tips as to how I overcame my season of unemployment.

Prayer– everything for me starts with prayer because that is how you communicate with God- Communication with God is a dialogue not a monologue- there were moments during my season when I prayed and I had to wait for God to respond. Sometimes He responded straight away, other times it took Him a while because He saw a head of time what He was getting ready to do for me. Many times, His answers were either Yes, No, Not yet or just pure silence. When God responded in silence, I realized He wanted me to apply what He had taught me in my last season. God does not allow you to go through anything He has not equipped you for. I realize He was preparing me for that season six years before it happened. Prayer provides the map to the route God wants to take you on. Even though I was unemployed, God through prayer led me to opportunities that would yield provision for those hard seasons.
Obedience- with prayer comes instructions and with God’s instructions, He expects us to be obedient to His instructions. Your miracle and breakthrough is hidden in the last instruction that God gave you. There were many instructions that God gave me and even though I tried to be obedient to everything I heard (I didn’t always get it right), half the things He told me to do didn’t make sense but now as I am in the promise Job (He showed me my current role in 2010), I realize all of the instructions were necessary and they were forming me for the position I am in right now.
Purpose- Knowing your purpose and what you are called to do is important. Purpose fuels passion. When you have a deep sense of purpose, there is a passion that is formed in you and as you go through your journey, your passion and journey will start to become visible to others who will want to explore what is about you. Opportunities chase the Passionate and the purpose driven individual. The more passionate and purpose driven you are, the more opportunities God will start to release to you.
A Good Attitude– Never turn down an opportunity because you don’t think its ‘good enough’ or because it does not match your ideal role. I accepted many roles that were beneath my potential and pay grade but I humbled myself and learned what I had to from each opportunity. Smile through it and remain thankful- God is watching your attitude- He is looking at how you handle the small opportunities. So that in due season He can elevate and promote you.
Sowing– there are a lot of debates about whether you should tithe or give offering especially when you are unemployed- I truly believe that tithing comes with revelation. The revelation I received was to remain faithful even in the small. If you can be faithful in the little- God will make you ruler over much- Matthew 25v23 and Luke 16v10. Even if I only had £10 I had a strong conviction to sow at least 10%. Even when I got my first full time job after such a long period of unemployment, I had to survive off £950 per month, and out of that God encouraged me to sow. And every month God supplied my needs, I never went without food and clothing. No one could have thought that that’s all I was bringing home every month. Before my bills, I gave my tithe and offering, I believe in the principle of first so before I gave anyone else my money I gave it to God first, it was a way of consecrating my finances and God always stretched it. I would have to do another article on the principle of sowing and tithing- God used this principle to shatter glass ceilings over my life. It is not by my works but every instruction in this area I had honoured, and God came through for me.
Sign up with as many agencies as possible– A very practical principle- sign up with multiple agencies (Morgan Hunt, Brook Street, Reed, Adecco). I have learnt that the jobs market is about numbers, the more jobs you apply for the more chance you have of getting a job. Sitting at home praying all day is not enough this is where you apply works to your faith. How many CVs have you submitted? the rejections will make you weary but you have to push, press and persevere through all of that because your promise is on the other side of the rejection. I applied for over 1500 jobs, possibly 2000 in the space of two years until I gave up. The permanent role which I hold now came through an agency. Be creative and speak to friends and family. My first permanent job came through my landlady who lived across the road from me.
Managing the balance between Instinct and Intellect– To understand more about this I will encourage you to read Bishop TD Jakes’ book called INSTINCT. A huge mistake I made after graduating from University is I thought that it was all about my intellect, there was a bit of pride and ego at work hence the intense process. God had to strip me of that mindset. I walked around thinking I was entitled to get a job because I completed a law with psychology degree I mean who wouldn’t want me? that was a poor attitude and I realized even where I am now- that employers value a person that can think and act with instinct and bring forth a solution that can yield results for his or her company. It always baffled me why people who never went to school were doing better than me- God taught me it is because they know how to think and move with instinct. They don’t just know theory but they know how to convert it into practical solutions. If you can get this, then you are on your way to your promotion. The day I caught this revelation, is the day my life started to change.

There are so many more principles that I would like to share but it is my prayer that as you obediently apply these principles that God will begin to open up doors that eyes have not seen and ears have not heard 1 Corinthians 2v9. May God shatter those glass ceilings of limitations and may He release miracles signs and wonders in your life as you obey the instructions of the Lord. May grace and peace be your portion in Jesus Name. Amen

God bless you and thank you for reading.

Managing The Season of Nothing’s Happening

Blog 1

For ten years I had to deal with many lows as well as highs and watching what God has done over the last few months (video of my testimony is coming soon), I am led to share a few nuggets of wisdom of how to make it through the seasons of ‘nothing’s happening’. Have you ever found yourself in a place where you are asking God- Lord what are you doing? you almost want to take over the steering wheel of your life and show God how its supposed to be? I have been there so many times and I have even taken the steering wheel from God- because He doesn’t force His perfect will, He stood back and I ended up with a lot of broken bones and bruises- the beauty of God’s love is that He was waiting right there with open arms to nurture me and heal me and redirect and reroute me back to my original place in Him. God is calling you back to that original place of surrender.

It took over nine years for me to learn to be still in the seasons when it seems as if nothing is happening or every dream is about to die. I had failed to recognize that there was an appointed time for every dream and prophetic word to come to pass in my life (I am living in the reality of some of those dreams right now- to God be the glory).

So what do you do when it seems as if God has forgotten His word over you. Here are a few things that helped me through those seasons of hardship and the season of ‘Nothing’s Happening’;

Rest– Resting in God comes with trust and faith and this takes time. In the beginning of my transitional journey but in the middle (that’s the hardest part), this word annoyed me. For me, I found it impossible to rest when all hell was breaking loose in my life such as unemployment, rejection, threat of homelessness, unpaid bills and everything else was coming against me all at the same time. When friends and confidants would say be still it really frustrated me until I stepped into the revelation of what it truly meant to rest in God. As long as I was up trying to figure everything out, that’s when God would step back. I was spending most days hustling trying to find a job and nothing was happening. After being still in the presence of God, I started living out Hebrews chapter 4 without noticing- One evening when I was in an ‘opportunity chasing mood’- the Holy Spirit led me to do something fun and it was nothing to do with work. After being obedient- the Holy Spirit touched the heart of a sister and she released £100 into my account. Another occasion after another moment of serious disappointment , the Lord told me to explore a new area and record an encouraging video, within that same hour another woman of God released £100 to me. Resting in God is not laziness- when you rest in God you are saying God I am letting go off of every idea and I am placing my needs in your hands with the confidence that you are going to fix it- it takes faith to truly release to God and wait for Him to release divine strategies as to what to do or not to do next. When I look at my life now- I think I should have rested more because God knew all along that I would get to where I am now. All I had to do was rest in Him; Instead I stressed out and allowed anxiety to get in and as a result I spent the first few months of my new season recovering from stress related sickness due to all the anxiety and the worrying I encountered through my low season but God was still faithful to bring my dreams into manifestation. Now that I have learnt and I am still learning how to rest in God, things are happening quickly, doors are opening with almost no effort. I think it and if it is according to His will- God provides it. Rest comes with having faith and your faith is developed through reading the word of God and spending time in His presence.

Worship– God has been unraveling worship to me throughout this year. Worship does not just happen on a Sunday. Worship is not confined to a Sunday Service. It is that uninterrupted moment between you and the Heavenly father- whether its through singing, dancing praying. Worship is an antidote for the pressures of life. Singing was a form of therapy for me. After suffering closed doors one after the other, I would come home feeling deflated and the Holy Spirit would whisper- just sing- sometimes the pain was so intense I would end up crying whilst singing but after I get into it- the weight I carried throughout the day would just life and from that experience God would start to unravel the revelation behind every closed door.

Dream– you have to fight to keep the dream alive- Dreams are powerful. As long as you can keep on dreaming in the midst of adversity, there is nothing that the enemy can do to take you out. Never underestimate your ability to dream. If you can still see the future even in the midst of disappointment and hopelessness I promise you, you will come forth as pure gold. There is an expiration date on your process and season of ‘Nothing’s Happening’. After months and years of disappointments, I fought for my ability to dream- and after every dream I would write down these dreams and release it to God. Dr Mike Murdock says it best- Imagination is your ability to pre-play the future but a memory replays your past. Where is your focus as you are reading this? Even if something disappointing happened 10 minutes ago, is your focus on the past or is your focus on the future- if you can see the future, you are unstoppable.

Plan– It is not enough to just dream through the hardship but in those quiet seasons, plan for the manifestation of your dream. That is the purpose of the ‘Nothing’s Happening’ season. That is where you plan and prepare for the promise. What is that dream home going to look like- what is the colour scheme. What outfits will you wear to your new job? (90 % of the time when I left my house I dressed like I was going to work in my seasons of unemployment). What does your budget look like when you start to make that dream money? In 2016, I created a ‘dream budget’ of how I would spend and invest my money when I started getting a steady income. How will you treat that man of God when God releases Him to you (ladies?) or how will you treat that woman of God when God releases her to you (men?) It is easy and free to dream but it costs to birth that dream into manifestation and it all starts with prayerful planning. The key to seeing manifestation is plan and prepare- God will not release to you what you desire if you are not spiritually, physically, emotionally or psychologically ready for the promise (this is for every dream- not just a man/woman).

I have so much more nuggets to share but for now, I will leave you with these. For every reader who will take time to read this, it is my prayer that God will give you staying power to complete your process because at your appointed time, you will come forth as pure gold. I pray God’s supernatural strength over you and as your days are so shall your strength be. God bless you and thank you for reading.

Your Movement Has A Sound

sound

Towards the latter part of December 2017, I kept hearing the Holy Spirit say, ‘Your Movement has a sound’. ‘Your purpose has a sound’. ‘Your obedience has a sound’. Every time you obey God and every time you say yes, a sound erupts from glory and an alarm is sent from Heaven to Earth and to Hell. Often times when you set out to do what God has instructed you to do, you are often met with opposition, do you know why? It is because your movement has a sent a sound to hell and in response to your purpose the enemy sent opposition to stop you from fulfilling your purpose. What some people do, they give up and they stop. I have done this so many times over the past few years. But last year in 2017, God taught me to push and Move with the instructions no matter how much opposition I experienced and now God is moving on my behalf. Every time you meet opposition and you choose to move ahead in boldness, God releases a sound that will cause Hell to cease its opposition. Read 2Chronicles 20v22, this is the position that God requires of us this year. Your worship is a symbol of honour to Him. In the midst of opposition, praise and worship is your greatest weapon. This year, every time you feel intense warfare or as I call it labour pains, just sing and praise.

I truly believe God is saying in this season that the enemy will not be able to stop you in your next decision to move because this time God is sending the sound of chariots and horses and a great army ahead of you according to 2 Kings 7v5. No more will you feel alone or defeated, because God is sending special enforcement of angels to help you carry out the assignment that will set both you and those around you free. Your movement will feed a people and deliver a people from spiritual famine and bondage. Don’t take it lightly that new and innovative ideas are coming to you inn this season. Everything that the Lord commands you to do, do it in obedience and watch Heaven move on your behalf.

God bless you and thank you for reading…

Dahna O. Fearon

Trust The Potter

“THE WORD which came to Jeremiah from the Lord, saying, Arise, and go down to the potter’s house, and there I will cause thee to hear my words. Then I went down to the potter’s house, and behold he wrought a work on the wheels”.

Jeremiah 18:1-3

Ten years ago whilst attending college, I had a sudden urge to attend a pottery class. For the eight weeks I participated in this class, it was one of the most frustratingthings I had partook in. I was so annoyed by the process I refused to go and collect my pot. What I failed to recognise was that the next ten years I was about to be that clay. One of the things that frustrated me with the process was I kept having to start over again and again because air kept getting into the clay so every time my teacher tested the clay he would say start over- if I continued making the pot without removing the slit (air) from the clay, when the pot would be placed in the furnace, it would have exploded.

How many times have we gotten mad at God for allowing the setbacks and delays and the many situations that seemed as if they were sent to destroy us? I have had many arguments with the Holy Spirit but maturity stepped in and I realised that the process was necessary. God was never going to allow those situations to destroy me, they were sent to reveal the mess and impurities in me and to purge out the mess out of me. Ten years later I am no longer murmuring at the pain or the circumstances that came against me. I am celebrating because those experiences has revealed my purpose, what the enemy meant for evil God turned it for my good.

A few points about the process

The process is your incubator- just like a womb- it’s dark but that’s where the baby receives his/her nutrients in order for growth to take place. The seed in its early stages relies on the dirt to germinate. Your process is dark but have you not noticed how much you have grown? The process was not sent to kill you, it’s sent to form you into the man or woman who God has called you to be.
The Process Cultivates You for your Purpose- Just like Joseph, Esther, Ruth, David and Jesus, your process is leading you to purpose and destiny. Trust the process. God is getting ready to add purpose to your process. Joseph’s process led Him to becoming the prime minister over Egypt (Genesis 37-50), Esther’s process led her to becoming Queen and she saved her people from Genocide. David’s process led him to becoming King over Israel (1Samuel 16), Ruth’s process of loss and grief led her to her Boaz. Jesus’s process led Him to saving the whole world. His process led to salvation and the reconciliation of God and mankind. This leads me to the next point;
Your Process is never just about you- your process has the power to impact those who are around you . How you respond to your process determines the effectiveness of your purpose and ministry to those who you are sent to Impact.
The process is sent to purify you- just like gold, it is heated at the highest level to remove the impurities. The process is repeated until it is pure gold.
Your process is a vehicle that is transporting you to your place of purpose and destiny
Your process will eventually lead you to your place of promotion and wealth

It is my prayer that God will give you staying power to endure the process. You are going to come out as pure gold. Do not give up, you will reap if you don’t faint. (Galatians 6:9)

God bless you and thank you for reading

No More Tight Shoes

As I was reflecting two weeks ago on the year 2016. I started talking to the Lord about relationships both business and personal that left me either confused or hurt. As I was speaking about the lessons I had learnt from those relationships, I heard His still small voice. “When you wear tight shoes, you will get corns on your toes” (gruesome but true). I asked the Lord to expand and He took me on a journey to discover what He meant.

The tight shoes represents relationships and environments- stop trying to fit into relationships and environments that do not have the capacity to accommodate you. The consequences of wearing tight shoes is that you get corns. When you get corns, you have to go through the painful process of getting that special blade to cut it down. I had it in 2009 it was awfully painful and I had to use that special blade. Before I got the blade I was using those cushions to make the pain less intense. That is what we sometimes do when we have tight shoes, we wear plasters and cushions to “ease the pain” that comes with tight shoes. This is what we do in “tight” relationships- we make excuses for them, we have hope that the day the shoe (relationship) will loosen to fit you. In this case you are more focused on the potential rather than the reality of the fact that it is too tight. Another fact about having corns- when you have them you cannot even wear the shoes that fit you without feeling excruciating pain.

Feet- represents your Destiny. Your destiny is the path you choose to take in order to fulfil your purpose. The choices you make in terms of your relationship has the ability to propel you to or delay you from your place of purpose.

Every time you allow the wrong people in your life- you run the risk of getting corns in your destiny. When the right people or opportunities show up, it hurts too much to enjoy what God has prepared for you. So a word of advice for 2017, stay away from relationships, opportunities and environments that have shown themselves to be too “small” to accommodate you. This is your year to soar like an eagle.
God bless you all and thank you for reading.

10 Keys To Overcoming Rejection In Your Family

Rejection from family members is one of the most painful experiences one could have. Your family is where you are supposed to feel protected and where you can be you but this is not always the case. In my last blog, I wrote about the experiences of rejection faced by David and Joseph. I dealt with the fact that the rejection they experienced actually acted as a vehicle that ushered them into a place of rulership.

Below are a few important points on understanding rejection from family members and how to overcome rejection from family;

1) Being rejected by family members does not mean that something is wrong with you, it is what’s right with you that causes people to reject you. You are rejected because the rejector does not have the capacity to receive what’s on the inside of you.

2) You have been rejected for purpose

3) People often reject what they don’t understand

4) Rejection from family members can sometimes lead to isolation- there is purpose behind the isolation, isolation births revelation of your identity and purpose especially when you are chosen to be the curse breaker in your family.

5) Rejection from your family leads you to uncommon favour with the Lord. David and Joseph found favour with the Lord.

6) Rejection leads to rulership- David was anointed king over Israel (1Samuel 16:13) and Joseph became ruler and second in command to Pharoah over Egypt (Genesis 41:40-46). Jephthah’s rejection from his family led him to conquering the enemies of his people (Judges 11:32-33).

7) Rejection from family drives you into the hand of God (Psalm 27:10)

God will personally take care of you. People always said to me “Dahna you are so spoilt, you get everything you pray for”, my response was “that is the treatment you get when God becomes your mother and your father”.

8) Understand that family members cannot give you what they don’t have- there is a high chance that they have been rejected too and have not had the strength to deal with it. Their coping mechanism is rejecting others.

9) True healing takes place when you stop expecting family members to approve of you. Only God can approve of you because He created you. People cannot approve of something they did not create.

10) Forgiveness- forgiveness is for you not the rejector. When you release the pain of rejection, new doors of breakthrough will start to open for you. Forgiveness is a key to your breakthrough (Matthew 16:19, Matthew 18:18).

Dealing With Rejection In The Church (Part 2)

Rejection Poster 2

“A rejection is nothing more than a necessary step in the pursuit of success”- Bo Bennett

Below are a few points on dealing with rejection in the church;

1.Understand that rejection is redirection and relocation to your new place of purpose and destiny- Joseph’s brothers rejected him and that rejection led him to the pit which ushered him to Pharaoh’s palace.

2. Sometimes God will allow rejection to happen to redirect your focus to God as your only source.

3. When rejection happens in the church (the people), it is an indication that what you are carrying is far too big for the reject-er to handle. Healing from rejection starts when you realise that the same people who have rejected you may have also been rejected.

4. Healing begins when you start to experience the unconditional love of God through His word and worship.

5. Healing begins when you accept the rejection- accepting that the rejection has taken starts the healing process and you will start to see that the issue does not lie with you but the issue lies with the reject-er. Please note that acceptance of the rejection is different to reacting to the rejection.

6. Healing from rejection within the church starts when you stop reacting to it- my mentor said to me a few years ago that rejection is not valid if you are chasing the person who has and is rejecting you- it is when you keep reacting to their rejection- that is when the pain of rejection is birthed .

7. Accept that the person does not have the capacity to love you- they cannot give you what they do not have and that is when you will get the power to love again.

8. Understand that the church (the people) is not perfect. Everyone is wounded and hurt in some type of way. The Church is like a hospital, everyone who visits the hospital has an ailment and it is the same with the church, everyone who attends has an ailment in their spirit, soul and body and have come to see the chief physician which is Jesus Christ for their healing.

9. Disappointment in the form of rejection happens when you place unrealistic expectations on others and when you are looking for approval from people instead of God; no one can love you or accept you like God can.

10. Remember that you have been rejected for a purpose and that Jesus loves you.

God bless you and thank you for reading.

Dealing With Rejection In The Church (Part 1)

For the past few weeks I have been writing on rejection, what it is, the characteristics of rejection, fear of rejection and self rejection. I wrote on the fact that when rejection happens, it is because the environment that you are looking to for acceptance is incapable of handling the greatness that is on the inside of you.

I would like to focus on rejection in the church. There are so many wounded souls within the church and there are so many who have left the church because they have been rejected by leaders and others who have been set to watch over and protect them. I am writing this blog to all those who have suffered rejection in the one place that you expected to be accepted- The Church.

So who and what is The Church?

The Church is commonly defined as a building used for public worship; many people refer to the church as an organisation- but the word church in the bible comes from the Greek word Ecclesia which means a called out company or assembly- whenever the word church is used in the bible, it is referring to people- 1 Corinthians 1v2. So when I am talking about being rejected in the church, I am talking about being rejected by the people who are the church not God- you see Jesus’ love for you is unconditional and nothing that you do could ever make God reject you or stop loving you. One thing that helped my healing process from rejection was that;

The Rejecter has also been rejected

I see a cycle within the body of Christ, there are so many leaders who have been rejected by their spiritual fathers, that has created this vicious cycle of rejection. What we have are rejected spiritual sons and daughters turning into spiritual mothers and fathers who are now rejecting their spiritual sons and daughters. It takes a level of maturity and getting into a place of revelation to see the spirit behind rejection within the church. The result of this type of rejection is that there are spiritual sons and daughters who have and are still walking around not understanding their identity and looking to other spiritual fathers/mothers for the spiritual validation that should have been given to them by their spiritual fathers.

Solution

The solution to this is seeking God and discovering what God is saying about you- your identity and purpose is found in God and oftentimes, I believe that God will purposely hide your call and assignment from the man of God. I am not saying this is always the case because the man of God is set to guide, guard and protect you. However, God does not always reveal everything to the man of God concerning you. I experienced this is in my personal life, I could not understand why my spiritual father at the time could not see what God was telling me about my purpose and destiny- my purpose got so intense that I could barely sleep or eat. I had to step outside of the boat and with that decision came rejection.

Was I upset? yes, I was on the verge of bitterness especially when I had dealt with my natural father not being in my life throughout my teenage years but in my metamorphosis process, God began to show me that rejection meant redirection and where I was positioned at the time, my environment could no longer accommodate the greatness that I was carrying on the inside of me. I started to love and appreciate my leaders from my past as, if they had accepted me and approved of me, I would have remained in the same place; I recognised that my leaders may have also experienced rejection at some point in their lives and may not have noticed that they were passing on the same treatment. I started seeing God’s hand in the rejection. The rejection was just a vehicle that was transporting me to my place of purpose and destiny.

God bless you and thank you for reading

The Characteristics Of Self Rejection

Last week I dealt with the characteristics of someone dealing with the fear of rejection. This week I will be dealing with the characteristics of one who is experiencing or who has experienced self rejection. Self rejection is another product of rejection by others. When a person accepts rejection from another, they buy into the lie that they are unworthy of acceptance by themselves- self rejection therefore releases other negative emotions.

Hurt

When hurt presents itself, the person who is now rejecting themselves, they now feel like they have done everything wrong. In my teenage years I struggled with a lot of hurt. I was aggressive but I was extremely sensitive. By the age of 15-18 years old I struggled with hurt so much that I used to tell myself everyday that I hated me. The hurt I endured in my home and in my childhood made me wish I did not exist. With this came low self esteem.It’s in my mid 20’s that I noticed that this hurt was acting as a blockage to my next level of success and breakthrough. In my teen years to my early 20’s every time I was in the presence of authoratative figures, I had the feeling of unworthiness and I always felt like “I did something wrong”. It was with this self sabotaging trait that I attracted certain people that had no business being apart of my life and speaking into my life. The minute I starting grasping a sense of who I am, I started shutting some doors on relationships that no longer meant me any good.

Self Pity

This is the “poor me” syndrome with self pity, one becomes conscious and aware of their inadequacies; they start having the perspective that no one seems to understand or care what is happening to them. I had moments of pity throughout my adolescent years and early adulthood, I started focusing more on what I was weak at rather than what I was good at. But In December 2012, that started to change when I discovered the book ‘The Purpose Driven Life’ that my teacher gave me. I started becoming aware of my purpose and the passions that were buried deep within me. Upon this discovery I stopped focusing on ‘me’ and started looking for those who I was called and purposed to help. This has and is still a journey. Self pity still tried to get me some days but the key is honing in and focusing on your strengths.

Despair

Another word for hopelessness. Despair happens when a person has totally rejected themselves; they cannot see themselves as capable of being loved by others, so they reject the love others are trying to give them. They find it hard to receive gifts and acts of kindness. Despair then leads to a hopeless state of mind. I struggled with the idea of being loved especially after what happened to me when I was 12 years old. So I shut the doors to potential relationships. With that I still believed that I was being processed so I wasn’t available but I still felt unworthy of love because of the many times I was rejected. There weren’t a lot of offers but there was one, I almost missed it because I felt unworthy of his love. God has delivered me, it’s a process.

Depression

Depression comes with self rejection- this is where the person resigns themselves to the fact that they are useless. Depression then becomes a very thick wall around one that does not come down easily. For years I struggled with depression, I hid it perfectly with my makeup and beautiful outfits and shoes. From 2014 to now, God has delivered me, there are days when it tries to come back but with persistence in prayer praise and worship and being involved in fulfilling my purpose, depression has had to take a back seat. I am sensitive to the fact that not everyone deals with depression this way, so get the necessary help that you need from counsellors and faith leaders i.e. pastors, elders, ministers etc.

Isolation

With hopelessness, self rejection leads to the withdrawal from society. There is the preconceived notion that society will never miss you because you have nothing to contribute to it.

Suicide

Suicide then becomes the ultimate withdrawal. At this stage, there is a desperation that happens that they develop an underlying death wish. Suicide is the ultimate ego trip. Once a person has rejected themself, they are turned in at this point and total attention is on self- they become their own God, even at the point of making the decision to take their own life. At the age of 13, I wanted to end my life but I failed when I felt God’s presence cover me and I heard His voice say it’s not your time to die. When I look at my life now I realise that I was making a permanent decision in a temporary situation. That negative situation will not last forever. God has great plans for you. He has thoughts of peace and not of evil. He plans to give you hope in your final outcome (Jeremiah 29:11 AMP).

You see the fear of rejection is aggressive so a person who has accepted rejection will show the physical manifestations of what is happening internally. Whilst self rejection is passive and is therefore internalised. I want everyone who will read this to know that Jesus loves you and as I write this I feel the burden in your heart, Give it to God He is waiting for you to give it to Him. If you don’t believe in Him, He is waiting to accept you.

God bless you and thank you for reading.

This study on rejection was sourced via http://www.isob-bible.org

The Fear Of Rejection

Last week I wrote about what rejection is and the different forms of rejection. I dealt with the fact that when a person accepts the wound of rejection in their lives, it generates the fear of rejection and self rejection. In this article, I will be dealing with the characteristics of the fear of rejection.

When a person is wounded by rejection, they recoil at the prospect of being wounded again. The characteristics of the fear of rejection are as follows;

Anger

Anger always follows closely behind fear. When a person accepts rejection, they become dependent upon anger as it becomes an excellent barrier to protect them from future rejection of others. This was something I struggled with for years, when I just migrated from Jamaica especially after I was sexually assaulted at the age of 12, I had outbursts of anger, I always got in major arguments on the estate I lived on, and there were times I was close to getting into physical fights. I never fought the girls it was the guys that I went after. When someone would upset me I created a movie in my mind as to how I would make them pay. The metamorphosis that I have just been through took care of the anger that I carried for so many years, God gave me the opportunity to exchange my pain with His peace and love.

Hardness

Hardness is another defence mechanism that keeps people away. It’s this “I can do bad all by myself” attitude but deep down inside there is a cry for someone to love you. I experienced this and it took the circumstances of life to bring me to a place of surrender and my prayer became that of Ezekiel 36:26-27. I started asking God to give me a new heart and a new spirit and this is where God started the process of healing.

Bitterness

This is where you get bitter about the situation in which you were wounded. Anger left unattended will start to generate a root of bitterness.

Rebellion

Rebellion is an outward expression caused by an inner feeling of rejection. The society that we are now living in where the youth are being classed as rebellious, where a lot of false religions and occultic movements are on the rise are. as a result of rejection. Today’s generation is the fruit of the decisions of yesterday’s generation. Because the older generation have not sought out help to deal with their issues of rejection, it has just been passed down throughout their generations. What this root of rejection has birthed are people suffering with all types of addictions, self harming, joining groups that only seek to manipulate and control and cares nothing about their wellbeing. What this root of rejection has birthed is a generation of people who no longer has a sense of purpose and if they do these wounds act as a barrier to them fulfilling their purpose. Because of this, today’s new age movement, satanic worshippers and cults are able to recruit these people dealing with the wounds of rejection. That is why we have people who have tasted and have witnessed the awesome power of the Holy Ghost just turn away from the church and renounce the name of Jesus, this is what the root of rejection is doing to those who experience it. When the fear of rejection has established a stronghold in a person, they will start to reject others before being rejected themselves. This attitude generates an inability to receive love or to love others. And from this grows rebellion.

Addiction

A person can become an addict when they have experienced rejection and when they are unsuccessful in their attempt to reconnect to a loving relationship, they anesthetise their pain, this can be through drugs, sex, self destructive habits such as self harming, eating disorders and many more habits. You see when love is denied somebody, the door is open for satan to step in.

I pray that these points have helped you identify what happens when a person has the fear of rejection. It is my prayer that God will heal every wound of rejection that may have manifested in one of these characteristics. Know that God loves you and that He accepts you. He died for you and He is waiting to deliver you and heal you of your wounds but He can only do this if you let Him in.

God bless you and thank you for reading.

This study on rejection was sourced via http://www.isob-bible.org