10 Keys To Overcoming Rejection In Your Family 

  

Rejection from family members is one of the most painful experiences one could have. Your family is where you are supposed to feel protected and where you can be you but this is not always the case. In my last blog, I wrote about the experiences of rejection faced by David and Joseph. I dealt with the fact that the rejection they experienced actually acted as a vehicle that ushered them into a place of rulership. 

Below are a few important points on understanding rejection from family members and how to overcome rejection from family;

1) Being rejected by family members does not mean that something is wrong with you, it is what’s right with you that causes people to reject you. You are rejected because the rejector does not have the capacity to receive what’s on the inside of you. 

2) You have been rejected for purpose

3) People often reject what they don’t understand

4) Rejection from family members can sometimes lead to isolation- there is purpose behind the isolation, isolation births revelation of your identity and purpose especially when you are chosen to be the curse breaker in your family.

5) Rejection from your family leads you to uncommon favour with the Lord. David and Joseph found favour with the Lord. 

6) Rejection leads to rulership- David was anointed king over Israel (1Samuel 16:13) and Joseph became ruler and second in command to Pharoah over Egypt (Genesis 41:40-46). Jephthah’s rejection from his family led him to conquering the enemies of his people (Judges 11:32-33).

7) Rejection from family drives you into the hand of God (Psalm 27:10) 

God will personally take care of you. People always said to me “Dahna you are so spoilt, you get everything you pray for”, my response was “that is  the treatment you get when God becomes your mother and your father”.

8) Understand that family members cannot give you what they don’t have- there is a high chance that they have been rejected too and have not had the strength to deal with it. Their coping mechanism is rejecting others. 

9) True healing takes place when you stop expecting family members to approve of you. Only God can approve of you because He created you. People cannot  approve of something they did not create.

10) Forgiveness- forgiveness is for you not the rejector. When you release the pain of rejection, new doors of breakthrough will start to open for you. Forgiveness is a key to your breakthrough (Matthew 16:19, Matthew 18:18). 

Dealing With Rejection In Your Family 

  
Rejection from family is one of the most painful experiences I endured throughout my life. It is only now that I have found the courage to speak on this because I see the hand of God upon my life and I see the purpose in the many rejections that I have experienced throughout my childhood, adolescence and early adulthood. Rejection is the dismissing or refusing of a proposal or idea. It is the action of spurning a person’s affection. There are many accounts of rejection from family members in the bible. 

Joseph

Joseph’s brothers hated him because his father favoured him more than his brothers, his father gave him a coat of many colours- Genesis 37. The fact that Joseph had a dream, this fuelled hatred in his brothers for him even the more. In Genesis  chapter 37:12-17, it shows that Joseph’s brothers ostracised him, he was not included in the feeding of the flock- the root of the rejection from Joseph’s brothers stemmed from envy because Joseph had a dream. With envy and jealousy I call it ‘envyjelism’, exclusion happens to make you think that there is something wrong with you; I am writing to let you know that there is nothing wrong with you, when you are rejected, it says a lot more about the rejector than you. There is purpose in the exclusion. The truth is that your family’s exclusion of you shows their incapability of handling who you are. I have discovered that oftentimes the person in the family who carries the key to breaking the generational curses and bringing breakthrough to that family is always rejected and isolated. 

Why Does This Happen?

Isolation births revelation- if you are in the mix and if you are included in everything, you will not see the difference within you. Isolation as a result of rejection helps you to identify and appreciate your difference. The rejection of Joseph’s brothers led him to the pit which ushered him to Pharaoh’s palace. Rejection happens when the rejector has failed to recognise the value within the individual being rejected. Joseph’s brothers failed to see the purpose that was upon Joseph’s life but their rejection of Joseph served a purpose; he had to be the ruler over Egypt and the only way he could have gotten there was by way of his brothers rejecting him and throwing him in the pit.

David 

In 1 Samuel chapter 16, the Lord tells Samuel to go and anoint the next king of Israel which happened to live in the house of Jesse. Jesse had eight sons but only seven were invited to this anointing ceremony. In 1 Samuel chapter 16:10, Jesse made all seven sons go before Samuel and the Lord rejected all of them. It was when Samuel asked Jesse, that is when he remembered that he had an eighth son. Have you been dismissed by your parents or family members? Have you ever been reduced to just being the little ‘shepherd boy or girl” in your family? Have you been placed in the background because they don’t think that you are even worth the investment? If your answe to these questions are yes, I want you to know that God has a plan for you. Just like David, in the eyes of his brothers,  he was just a shepherd boy but that was his place of preparation, it was this rejection from his father and brother that qualified him to becoming the next king of Israel. The rejection that you have endured in your family is a direct indication that you are called to deliver them. Joseph became ruler over Egypt and the deliverer to his family from famine and David was chosen to take out Goliath. Both Joseph and David’s rejection led them to a place of ruler ship- they went from rejection to ruler ship.

God bless you and thank you for reading.

Dealing With Rejection In The Church (Part 2)

Rejection Poster 2

“A rejection is nothing more than a necessary step in the pursuit of success”- Bo Bennett

Below are a few points on dealing with rejection in the church;

1.Understand that rejection is redirection and relocation to your new place of purpose and destiny- Joseph’s brothers rejected him and that rejection led him to the pit which ushered him to Pharaoh’s palace.

2. Sometimes God will allow rejection to happen to redirect your focus to God as your only source.

3. When rejection happens in the church (the people), it is an indication that what you are carrying is far too big for the reject-er to handle. Healing from rejection starts when you realise that the same people who have rejected you may  have also been rejected.

4. Healing begins when you start to experience the unconditional love of God through His word and worship.

5. Healing begins when you accept the rejection- accepting that the rejection has taken starts the healing process and you will start to see that  the issue does not lie with you but the issue lies with the reject-er. Please note that acceptance of the rejection is different to reacting to the rejection.

6. Healing from rejection within the church starts when you stop reacting to it- my mentor said to me a few years ago that rejection is not valid if you are chasing the person who has and is rejecting you- it is when you keep reacting to their rejection- that is when the pain of rejection is birthed .

7. Accept that the person does not have the capacity to love you- they cannot give you what they do not have and that is when you will get the power to love again.

8. Understand that the church (the people) is not perfect. Everyone is wounded and hurt in some type of way. The Church is like a hospital, everyone who visits the hospital has an ailment and it is the same with the church, everyone who attends has an ailment in their spirit, soul and body and have come to see the chief physician which is Jesus Christ for their healing.

9. Disappointment in the form of rejection happens when you place unrealistic expectations on others and when you are looking for approval from people instead of God; no one can love you or accept you like God can.

10. Remember that you have been rejected for a purpose and that Jesus loves you.

God bless you and thank you for reading.

 

 

 

Dealing With Rejection In The Church (Part 1)

For the past few weeks I have been writing on rejection, what it is, the characteristics of rejection, fear of rejection and self rejection. I wrote on the fact that when rejection happens, it is because the environment that you are looking to for acceptance is incapable of handling the greatness that is on the inside of you.

I would like to focus on rejection in the church. There are so many wounded souls within the church and there are so many who have left the church because they have been rejected by leaders and others who have been set to watch over and protect them. I am writing this blog to all those who have suffered rejection in the one place that you expected to be accepted- The Church.

So who and what is The Church?

The Church is commonly defined as a building used for public worship; many people refer to the church as an organisation- but the word church in the bible comes from the Greek word Ecclesia which means a called out company or assembly- whenever the word church is used in the bible, it is referring to people- 1 Corinthians 1v2. So when I am talking about being rejected in the church, I am talking about being rejected by the people who are the church not God- you see Jesus’ love for you is unconditional and nothing that you do could ever make God reject you or stop loving you.  One thing that helped my healing process from rejection was that;

The Rejecter has also been rejected

I see a cycle within the body of Christ, there are so many leaders who have been rejected by their spiritual fathers, that has created this vicious cycle of rejection. What we have are rejected spiritual sons and daughters turning into spiritual mothers and fathers who are now rejecting their spiritual sons and daughters. It takes a level of maturity and getting into a place of revelation to see the spirit behind rejection within the church. The result of this type of rejection is that there are spiritual sons and daughters who have and are still walking around not understanding their identity and looking to other spiritual fathers/mothers for the spiritual validation that should have been given to them by their spiritual fathers.

Solution

The solution to this is seeking God and discovering what God is saying about you- your identity and purpose is found in God and oftentimes, I believe that God will purposely hide your call and assignment from the man of God. I am not saying this is always the case because the man of God is set to guide, guard and protect you. However, God does not always reveal everything to the man of God concerning you. I experienced this is in my personal life, I could not understand why my spiritual father at the time could not see what God was telling me about my purpose and destiny- my purpose got so intense that I could barely sleep or eat. I had to step outside of the boat and with that decision came rejection.

Was I upset? yes, I was on the verge of bitterness especially when I had dealt with my natural father not being in my life throughout my teenage years but in my metamorphosis process, God began to show me that rejection meant redirection and where I was positioned at the time, my environment could no longer accommodate the greatness that I was carrying on the inside of me. I started to love and appreciate my leaders from my past as, if they had accepted me and approved of me, I would have remained in the same place; I recognised that my leaders may have also experienced rejection at some point in their lives and may not have noticed that they were passing on the same treatment. I started seeing God’s hand in the rejection. The rejection was just a vehicle that was transporting me to my place of purpose and destiny.

God bless you and thank you for reading 

 

The Fear Of Rejection 

  

Last week I wrote about what rejection is and the different forms of rejection. I dealt with the fact that when a person accepts the wound of rejection in their lives, it generates the fear of rejection and self rejection. In this article, I will be  dealing with the characteristics of the fear of rejection.

When a person is wounded by rejection, they recoil at the prospect of being wounded again. The characteristics of the fear of rejection are as follows;

  • Anger

Anger always follows closely behind fear. When a person accepts rejection, they become dependent upon anger as it becomes an excellent barrier to protect them from future rejection of others. This was something I struggled with for years, when I just migrated from Jamaica especially after I was sexually assaulted at the age of 12, I had outbursts of anger, I always got in major arguments on the estate I lived on, and there were times I was close to getting into physical fights. I never fought the girls it was the guys that I went after. When someone would upset me I created a movie in my mind as to how I would make them pay. The metamorphosis that I have just been through took care of the anger that I carried for so many years, God gave me the opportunity to exchange my pain with His peace and love.

  • Hardness

Hardness is another defence mechanism that keeps people away. It’s this “I can do bad all by myself” attitude but deep down inside there is a cry for someone to love you. I experienced this and it took the circumstances of life to bring me to a place of surrender and my prayer became that of Ezekiel 36:26-27. I started asking God to give me a new heart and a new spirit and this is where God started the process of healing.

  • Bitterness

This is where you get bitter  about the situation in which you were wounded. Anger left unattended will start to generate a root of bitterness.

  • Rebellion

Rebellion is an outward expression caused by an inner feeling of rejection. The society that we are now living in where the youth are being classed as rebellious, where a lot of false religions and occultic movements are on the rise are. as a result of rejection. Today’s generation is the fruit of the decisions of yesterday’s generation. Because the older generation have not sought out help to deal with their issues of rejection, it has just been passed down throughout their generations. What this root of rejection has birthed are people suffering with all types of addictions, self harming, joining groups that only seek to manipulate and control and cares nothing about their wellbeing. What this root of rejection has birthed is a generation of people who no longer has a sense of purpose and if they do these wounds act as a barrier to them fulfilling their purpose. Because of this, today’s new age movement, satanic worshippers and cults are able to recruit these people dealing with the wounds of rejection. That is why we have people who have tasted and have witnessed the awesome power of the Holy Ghost just turn away from the church and renounce the name of Jesus, this is what the root of rejection is doing to those who experience it. When the fear of rejection has established a stronghold in a person, they will start to reject others before being rejected themselves. This attitude generates an inability to receive love or to love others. And from this grows rebellion.

  • Addiction

A person can become an addict when they have experienced rejection and when they are unsuccessful in their attempt to reconnect to a loving relationship, they anesthetise their pain, this can be through drugs, sex, self destructive habits such as self harming, eating disorders and many more habits. You see when love is denied somebody, the door is open for satan to step in. 

I pray that these points have helped you identify what happens when a person has the fear of rejection. It is my prayer that God will heal every wound of rejection that may have manifested in one of these characteristics. Know that God loves you and that He accepts you. He died for you and He is waiting to deliver you and heal you of your wounds but He can only do this if you let Him in. 

God bless you and thank you for reading.

This study on rejection was sourced via http://www.isob-bible.org

The Pain Of Rejection 

  
For the last week, I have been carrying this topic in my spirit. I started to feel the burden of those who have and are currently suffering from the pain of rejection. The Lord started dealing with me on the effects of rejection especially on the body of Christ. I have to be honest, I ran away from this subject because I discovered in 2015 that this was the root of a lot of my personal life experience where God had to take me  through a process of healing; but the Holy Ghost got a hold of me and I had to surrender because I realised that there are souls out there who are crying out in silence because they have been rejected by loved ones, their spiritual leaders and even certain groups within society and this has left a huge impact on them which has prevented them from tapping into their full potential due to fear of being rejected . Rejection is the root of most problems that humans face today. Love propels a person to do great things but rejection blocks a person’s potential.

So What Is Rejection? 

Rejection is the dismissing or refusing of a proposal idea-It is the action of spurning a person’s affection. Feeling rejected is the opposite of feeling accepted- it is the denial of love and acceptance in one’s life. Rejection and the fear of rejection plays a major part in the development of the character of every human being- one of the products of rejection is a broken spirit. Rejection is one of the most neglected, yet one of the most common emotional wounds from which one suffers. There are different forms of rejection:

  • Slighting
  • Shunning 
  • Spurning
  • Denial
  • Ignoring
  • Neglecting
  • Avoiding and Disapproving

Love is an essential need in every human being’s life. God designed it that way that we would need each other and we would need love. As people grow spiritually, they are able to handle rejection better than they could when they were young but it does not diminish how painful rejection is. No matter how old or young you are rejection still hurts. People who experience rejection, tend to react by building walls. I have discovered that rejection is a perception issue, it may not have been intended but that is how it was perceived. Rejection has to be accepted for it to have an effect on a person’s life. Rejection requires a reaction for it to bring forth fruit in a person’s life. If I don’t respond to rejection then it is not rejection at all. My mentor told me a few years ago that running after someone who has rejected you adds more to your pain but if you are not running after the rejector, then rejection has no effect on you.

When a person accepts the wound of rejection in their lives, it generates one of two things-

  1. Fear of Rejection- when a person is wounded by rejection, they recoil at the prospect of being wounded again. For example, a person who has been wounded by an authority figure in their lives, their natural reaction is to fear authority and guard themselves when they are in the presence of authority figures. The fear of being hurt causes the individual to put up defence mechanisms and this is where the development of distrust for everyone’s motives take place.
  2. Self Rejection- After a person has accepted rejection in their lives for an extended period of time, they begin to reject themselves. They start believing that they are unworthy and unacceptable by others. Both the fear of rejection and self rejection controls one’s behaviour which then starts generating unhealthy fruit. Rejection from loved ones will make one think that they are unacceptable or unqualified or unworthy. 

I will be dealing with rejection over the next few weeks. In my next blog , I will be dealing with the characteristics of the fear of rejection and self rejection. God bless you and thank you for reading.

Study on rejection was conducted on http://www.isob-bible.org.

Pregnant With A Dream (Part 2)- The Birth

  
In my last blog, I dealt with being pregnant with a dream and I compared it to a woman being pregnant with a child. When it comes to bringing forth your dream, it can be compared to childbirth. There needs to be conception (a prophetic word or vision), an incubation period (waiting) and the birth process (bringing forth the dream).  During the time of waiting is where preparation takes place for the arrival of the baby and the maintenance of the expecting mother (the carrier of the dream). The process of labour and birth can be divided into three stages. When I say mother I am metaphorically speaking to both men and women as there are men carrying dreams too. The birthing process is a metaphor for bringing forth your dream.
Stage One

 Stage one begins when you start having contractions that cause progressive changes in a woman’s cervix and ends when the woman’s cervix is fully dilated. This stage is divided into two phases:

1) Early labour- the woman’s cervix gradually effaces (thins out) and dilates (opens)

2) Active Labour- the woman’s cervix begins to dilate more rapidly and contractions are larger, stronger and closer together. The last part of active labour is often referred to as transition. This is where the womb starts to reject the child. Have you been rejected in an environment that can no longer contain or maintain your dream? In transition, there is a lot of pain that is present, but the purpose of the pain is to usher you into your destiny. Have you been in pain lately? Has your situation intensified? Do you feel overwhelmed, flustered? Do you feel like what you have been carrying on the inside of you is about to explode? It is like something wants to come out. I am here to declare to you that you are about to give birth to your dream. 

Do you feel like when you are finished with one circumstance, another one comes? Do you feel like you are in a whirlwind of chaos and you don’t know how you are coming out? If your answers are yes to these questions, then this blog is for you. The purpose of this blog is to shift your perspective from your pain to your promise and to let you know that in actuality what you are experiencing are contractions. Every crisis is a contraction; the contraction is there for the things holding you back. It positions the mother’s body and prepares her to give birth. Transition ends labour- the suffering stops finally and this is the only time to do nothing but wait- it seems like nothing is happening. In this stage, you must not try to confess or pray or do anything.

Stage Two

The second stage of labour, begins when you are fully dilated and ends with the birth of your baby (dream). This is referred to as the “pushing stage”. Perseverance and consistency is needed – you cannot give up hope, you have to see yourself in possession of it. This is the most difficult part of childbirth- things get worse before they get better. It cannot be avoided- you will always go through this stage before your provision comes in relation to your dream. It is at this stage where it seems like your dream will never arrive- but you cannot give up hope or let go off your faith. Your dream will come to past suddenly when you least expect it- this usually happens when you finally give up trying to make it happen. When you let go off of yourself, then God will take the rest. It is important to understand that when you are pregnant with a dream, you cannot push too early and the baby cannot stay in the womb past the due date as premature and over due delivery of the baby can be detrimental to mother and baby so timing is key when it comes to the delivery of your dream.  

When it comes to the birthing of your baby (dream), your environment and the people you are surrounded by are important for the birthing of your dream. Not everyone can be with you when you are in the delivery room. You have to be in a sterile environment and you have to be surrounded by qualified midwives and doctors and the ones you love, whether it’s your mother or your spouse or your best friend; when it comes to giving birth to your dream, haters are not welcomed in this miraculous moment, it is important to discern who your spiritual midwives are. The next thing to consider is the ability to listen. The expecting woman cannot just push the baby out, you have to listen to the instructions of your midwife- your inability to listen to your midwife will result in  harm to you as the the mother and the baby especially the mother. 

The Birth Experience

This is the most pleasant part- things get better finally. It requires no effort and it happens naturally. The process of cutting the umbilical cord is vital to keeping the baby alive- you could lose your provision at this point. This process involves cutting the baby loose- you have to release your dream into the earth. This requires you letting go off the baby. This is when you rest in the Lord’s provision and stopping all efforts.

Stage Three

The third stage begins right after the birth of the baby and ends with the delivery of the placenta. I call this the after birth. Oftentimes when we give birth to our dreams we forget the after birth and that there is postpartum care that must take place. Here you experience after pains during the first few days after delivery. I call this warfare. So literally hiding in the presence of God is what needs to happen here. I pray that whatever stage you are in carrying your dream, I pray that you will carry it full term in Jesus Name Amen. God bless you and thank you for reading.

Reference

The Birthing Process by Andrea Dillon

The Stages Of Labour- http://www.babycentre.com