Dealing With Rejection In Your Family 

  
Rejection from family is one of the most painful experiences I endured throughout my life. It is only now that I have found the courage to speak on this because I see the hand of God upon my life and I see the purpose in the many rejections that I have experienced throughout my childhood, adolescence and early adulthood. Rejection is the dismissing or refusing of a proposal or idea. It is the action of spurning a person’s affection. There are many accounts of rejection from family members in the bible. 

Joseph

Joseph’s brothers hated him because his father favoured him more than his brothers, his father gave him a coat of many colours- Genesis 37. The fact that Joseph had a dream, this fuelled hatred in his brothers for him even the more. In Genesis  chapter 37:12-17, it shows that Joseph’s brothers ostracised him, he was not included in the feeding of the flock- the root of the rejection from Joseph’s brothers stemmed from envy because Joseph had a dream. With envy and jealousy I call it ‘envyjelism’, exclusion happens to make you think that there is something wrong with you; I am writing to let you know that there is nothing wrong with you, when you are rejected, it says a lot more about the rejector than you. There is purpose in the exclusion. The truth is that your family’s exclusion of you shows their incapability of handling who you are. I have discovered that oftentimes the person in the family who carries the key to breaking the generational curses and bringing breakthrough to that family is always rejected and isolated. 

Why Does This Happen?

Isolation births revelation- if you are in the mix and if you are included in everything, you will not see the difference within you. Isolation as a result of rejection helps you to identify and appreciate your difference. The rejection of Joseph’s brothers led him to the pit which ushered him to Pharaoh’s palace. Rejection happens when the rejector has failed to recognise the value within the individual being rejected. Joseph’s brothers failed to see the purpose that was upon Joseph’s life but their rejection of Joseph served a purpose; he had to be the ruler over Egypt and the only way he could have gotten there was by way of his brothers rejecting him and throwing him in the pit.

David 

In 1 Samuel chapter 16, the Lord tells Samuel to go and anoint the next king of Israel which happened to live in the house of Jesse. Jesse had eight sons but only seven were invited to this anointing ceremony. In 1 Samuel chapter 16:10, Jesse made all seven sons go before Samuel and the Lord rejected all of them. It was when Samuel asked Jesse, that is when he remembered that he had an eighth son. Have you been dismissed by your parents or family members? Have you ever been reduced to just being the little ‘shepherd boy or girl” in your family? Have you been placed in the background because they don’t think that you are even worth the investment? If your answe to these questions are yes, I want you to know that God has a plan for you. Just like David, in the eyes of his brothers,  he was just a shepherd boy but that was his place of preparation, it was this rejection from his father and brother that qualified him to becoming the next king of Israel. The rejection that you have endured in your family is a direct indication that you are called to deliver them. Joseph became ruler over Egypt and the deliverer to his family from famine and David was chosen to take out Goliath. Both Joseph and David’s rejection led them to a place of ruler ship- they went from rejection to ruler ship.

God bless you and thank you for reading.

Dealing With Rejection In The Church (Part 2)

Rejection Poster 2

“A rejection is nothing more than a necessary step in the pursuit of success”- Bo Bennett

Below are a few points on dealing with rejection in the church;

1.Understand that rejection is redirection and relocation to your new place of purpose and destiny- Joseph’s brothers rejected him and that rejection led him to the pit which ushered him to Pharaoh’s palace.

2. Sometimes God will allow rejection to happen to redirect your focus to God as your only source.

3. When rejection happens in the church (the people), it is an indication that what you are carrying is far too big for the reject-er to handle. Healing from rejection starts when you realise that the same people who have rejected you may  have also been rejected.

4. Healing begins when you start to experience the unconditional love of God through His word and worship.

5. Healing begins when you accept the rejection- accepting that the rejection has taken starts the healing process and you will start to see that  the issue does not lie with you but the issue lies with the reject-er. Please note that acceptance of the rejection is different to reacting to the rejection.

6. Healing from rejection within the church starts when you stop reacting to it- my mentor said to me a few years ago that rejection is not valid if you are chasing the person who has and is rejecting you- it is when you keep reacting to their rejection- that is when the pain of rejection is birthed .

7. Accept that the person does not have the capacity to love you- they cannot give you what they do not have and that is when you will get the power to love again.

8. Understand that the church (the people) is not perfect. Everyone is wounded and hurt in some type of way. The Church is like a hospital, everyone who visits the hospital has an ailment and it is the same with the church, everyone who attends has an ailment in their spirit, soul and body and have come to see the chief physician which is Jesus Christ for their healing.

9. Disappointment in the form of rejection happens when you place unrealistic expectations on others and when you are looking for approval from people instead of God; no one can love you or accept you like God can.

10. Remember that you have been rejected for a purpose and that Jesus loves you.

God bless you and thank you for reading.

 

 

 

Dealing With Rejection In The Church (Part 1)

For the past few weeks I have been writing on rejection, what it is, the characteristics of rejection, fear of rejection and self rejection. I wrote on the fact that when rejection happens, it is because the environment that you are looking to for acceptance is incapable of handling the greatness that is on the inside of you.

I would like to focus on rejection in the church. There are so many wounded souls within the church and there are so many who have left the church because they have been rejected by leaders and others who have been set to watch over and protect them. I am writing this blog to all those who have suffered rejection in the one place that you expected to be accepted- The Church.

So who and what is The Church?

The Church is commonly defined as a building used for public worship; many people refer to the church as an organisation- but the word church in the bible comes from the Greek word Ecclesia which means a called out company or assembly- whenever the word church is used in the bible, it is referring to people- 1 Corinthians 1v2. So when I am talking about being rejected in the church, I am talking about being rejected by the people who are the church not God- you see Jesus’ love for you is unconditional and nothing that you do could ever make God reject you or stop loving you.  One thing that helped my healing process from rejection was that;

The Rejecter has also been rejected

I see a cycle within the body of Christ, there are so many leaders who have been rejected by their spiritual fathers, that has created this vicious cycle of rejection. What we have are rejected spiritual sons and daughters turning into spiritual mothers and fathers who are now rejecting their spiritual sons and daughters. It takes a level of maturity and getting into a place of revelation to see the spirit behind rejection within the church. The result of this type of rejection is that there are spiritual sons and daughters who have and are still walking around not understanding their identity and looking to other spiritual fathers/mothers for the spiritual validation that should have been given to them by their spiritual fathers.

Solution

The solution to this is seeking God and discovering what God is saying about you- your identity and purpose is found in God and oftentimes, I believe that God will purposely hide your call and assignment from the man of God. I am not saying this is always the case because the man of God is set to guide, guard and protect you. However, God does not always reveal everything to the man of God concerning you. I experienced this is in my personal life, I could not understand why my spiritual father at the time could not see what God was telling me about my purpose and destiny- my purpose got so intense that I could barely sleep or eat. I had to step outside of the boat and with that decision came rejection.

Was I upset? yes, I was on the verge of bitterness especially when I had dealt with my natural father not being in my life throughout my teenage years but in my metamorphosis process, God began to show me that rejection meant redirection and where I was positioned at the time, my environment could no longer accommodate the greatness that I was carrying on the inside of me. I started to love and appreciate my leaders from my past as, if they had accepted me and approved of me, I would have remained in the same place; I recognised that my leaders may have also experienced rejection at some point in their lives and may not have noticed that they were passing on the same treatment. I started seeing God’s hand in the rejection. The rejection was just a vehicle that was transporting me to my place of purpose and destiny.

God bless you and thank you for reading 

 

The Characteristics Of Self Rejection 

  
Last week I dealt with the characteristics of someone dealing with the fear of rejection. This week I will be dealing with the characteristics of one who is experiencing or who has experienced self rejection. Self rejection is another product of rejection by others. When a person accepts rejection from another, they buy into the lie that they are unworthy of acceptance by themselves- self rejection therefore releases other negative emotions.

Hurt

 When hurt presents itself, the person who is now rejecting themselves, they now feel like they have done everything wrong. In my teenage years I struggled with a lot of hurt. I was aggressive but I was extremely sensitive. By the age of 15-18 years old I struggled with hurt so much that I used to tell myself everyday that I hated me. The hurt I endured in my home and in my childhood made me wish I did not exist. With this came low self esteem.It’s in my mid 20’s that I noticed that this hurt was acting as a blockage to my next level of success and breakthrough. In my teen years to my early 20’s every time I was in the  presence of authoratative figures, I had the feeling of unworthiness and I always felt like “I did something wrong”. It was with this self sabotaging trait that I attracted certain people that had no business being apart of my life and speaking into my life. The minute I starting grasping a sense of who I am, I started shutting some doors on relationships that no longer meant me any good. 

Self Pity

This is the “poor me” syndrome with self pity, one becomes conscious and aware of their inadequacies; they start having the perspective that no one seems to understand or care what is happening to them. I had moments of pity throughout my adolescent years and early adulthood, I started focusing more on what I was weak at rather than what I was good at. But In December 2012, that started to change when I discovered the book ‘The Purpose Driven Life’ that my teacher gave me. I started becoming aware of my purpose and the passions that were buried deep within me. Upon this discovery I stopped focusing on ‘me’ and started looking for those who I was called and purposed to help. This has and is still a journey. Self pity still tried to get me some days but the key is honing in and focusing on your strengths.

Despair

Another word for hopelessness. Despair happens when a person has totally rejected themselves; they cannot see themselves as capable of being loved by others, so they reject the love others are trying to give them. They find it hard to receive gifts and acts of kindness. Despair then leads to a hopeless state of mind. I struggled with the idea of being loved especially after what happened to me when I was 12 years old. So I shut the doors to potential relationships. With that I still believed that I was being processed so I wasn’t available but I still felt unworthy of love because of the many times I was rejected. There weren’t a lot of offers but there was one, I almost missed it because I felt unworthy of his love. God has delivered me, it’s a process. 

Depression

Depression comes with self rejection- this is where the person resigns themselves to the fact that they are useless. Depression then becomes a very thick wall around one that does not  come down easily. For years I struggled with depression, I hid it perfectly with my makeup and beautiful outfits and shoes. From 2014 to now, God has delivered me, there are days when it tries to come back but with persistence in prayer praise and worship and being involved in fulfilling my purpose, depression has had to take a back seat. I am sensitive to the fact that not everyone deals with depression this way, so get the necessary help that you need from counsellors and faith leaders i.e. pastors, elders, ministers etc. 

Isolation

With hopelessness, self rejection leads to the withdrawal from society. There is the preconceived notion that society will never miss you because you have nothing to contribute to it. 

Suicide

Suicide then becomes the ultimate withdrawal. At this stage, there is a desperation that happens that they develop an underlying death wish. Suicide is the ultimate ego trip. Once a person has rejected themself, they are turned in at this point and total attention is on self- they become their own God, even at the point of making the decision to take their own life. At the age of 13, I wanted to end my life but I failed when I felt God’s presence cover me and I heard His voice say it’s not your time to die. When I look at my life now I realise that I was making a permanent decision in a temporary situation. That negative situation will not last forever. God has great plans for you. He has thoughts of peace and not of evil. He plans to give you hope in your final outcome (Jeremiah 29:11 AMP). 

You see the fear of rejection is aggressive so a person who has accepted rejection will show the  physical manifestations of what is happening internally. Whilst self rejection is passive and  is therefore internalised. I want everyone who will read this to know that Jesus loves you and as I write this I feel the burden in your heart, Give it to God He is waiting for you to give it to Him. If you don’t believe in Him, He is waiting to accept you.

God bless you and thank you for reading.

This study on rejection was sourced via http://www.isob-bible.org

On Your Mark Get Set & Accelerate 

  

Still focusing on the subject of acceleration, I am truly excited about the acceleration that is about to take place in the lives of many this year. The Lord started dealing with me on the principles and the laws of physics relating to acceleration, so He had me researching what has to happen in order for a plane to lift off and fly. An airplane in flight is the centre of a continuous tug of war between four forces:

  • Lift
  • Gravity force or weight
  • Thrust
  • Drag 

Lift and drag are considered aerodynamic forces because they exist due to the movement of the aircraft through the air. The weight pulls down on the plane opposing the lift created by air flowing over the wing. Thrust is then generated by the propeller and opposes drag caused by air resistance to the frontal area of the airplane. During takeoff, thrust must overcome drag and lift must overcome the weight before the airplane can become airborne.  When the plane is in level flight at constant speed, thrust exactly equals drag and lift exactly equals the weight or gravity force. How does this apply to everyday living in 2016, 2015 was a trying year for many, it was a year of change and repositioning but it was necessary for what will take place in 2016.  In 2016 there will be uncommon favour, there will be a quantum leap but for this to take place there will be opposing forces but you have to know when to stand still and when to move. Last year when I was on the plane travelling to Jamaica, it moved from the terminal and it started moving towards where it would lift off. I noticed we had to wait for a few minutes then the plane started moving really fast then we were in the air .  

What am I saying there will be some opposing forces that will try to come at you, I can feel it even now as I am typing this that some of you are facing opposition, be of good cheer you are being positioned for lift off. That is what will happen in this year, you may feel like things are still going  slow but you are being positioned for lift off. For favour to shine bright in your life, things have to be shaky that’s the only way God can get the glory. In this season, no one can get the glory for what is about to happen in your life. You have to be really careful as to who you connect with in this season as they cannot get the glory for your acceleration. So I hereby declare to you On Your Mark, Get Set, and Accelerate.

God Bless You and Thank You For Reading.

Dream Again 

  

We have entered the year 2016 and many proclamations have been released for this awesome year. In my last blog, I wrote that 2016 is going to be a year of acceleration it is also the year of the Lord’s favour where you will get many things that you did not deserve and rules will be broken so that you can be blessed- I just said something right there Glory.

Just a few days before the ending of 2015, the Lord told me to tell two young ladies that it is time to Dream again. As I told the first individual to Dream again, something erupted in me and I started dreaming on a whole other level. God started giving me a new vision and new dreams. On January 3rd 2016, I had a dream about strategy and goals. These were the two words I heard and I woke up, not understanding what the Lord was saying but I noted it down. By January 5th 2016, the Lord said to me, “if you are expecting acceleration you need to prepare for it as it is not just going to come to you like that, you have to prepare and strategise for these things to happen. With those words I proceeded to create my vision board for 2016. As I started  printing the pictures for my board, I became excited and energetic. Purpose and passion began fuelling on the inside of me. The Lord has inspired me to dream again and I am now daring you to dream again. Start dreaming on purpose, start creating your vision boards and journals, start writing the vision and make it plain (Habakkuk 2:2). 

I want to encourage you to dream big this year. As it is the year of the Lord’s favour and acceleration, start thinking about what it is that you want God to do in your life this year. When you look at your board or journal, it should scare you; In other words dream big. So to everyone who will read this, I dare you to dream again.

God bless you and thank you for reading.

Pregnant With A Dream 

  
The last few days I have been thinking about the process of giving birth. I just launched a dream that God had placed in my heart since May 2013. It felt like I had given birth. Though I have never given birth physically yet, the Lord showed me that I was going through the process of giving birth spiritually. 

When a woman first finds out that she is pregnant, she does not tell everyone, she will wait a few weeks before she announces her good news. When a dream is conceived in you, you have to keep that dream to yourself for a season as there are a group of people out there who have allowed themselves to be employed as dream killers. Guard your dream like your whole life depends on it. Secondly, there is a nine month waiting period after conception. The same day you get the dream, is not the same day you will give birth to it. The waiting period is there to allow the baby to develop and grow, your dream has to be developed and you have to prepare for your dream. The waiting period is there for you to study and to prepare for what you are about to give birth to.Thirdly, the expecting mother starts to change her diet to make sure that both her and her baby are healthy . When a dream is conceived in you, you have to feed it with the word of God, worship and surround yourself with positivity. You cannot allow yourself to be stressed out. Your environment has to be conducive for the growth taking place on the inside of you.

Fourthly, she will start to surround herself with other expecting mothers. Your social circle has to change. You have to surround yourself with other people who are carrying a dream as well. When Mary conceived Jesus, she went to  stay with Elizabeth her cousin who was also expecting; only Elizabeth would have been able to understand the supernatural experience as Elizabeth had a similar experience(Luke 1:39-45).You have to surround yourself with like minded people in this season of your life. There are different symptoms that come with different stages within pregnancy. Most women experience morning sickness and a mirage of other things. When you first conceive your dream, you may have anxiety, you will feel fearful, you will start to disqualify yourself, you will go through emotional changes, you will be happy and excited.The mother’s belly will start to grow as the baby grows, as you grow, your dream will start to grow as well. When you get a dream, you don’t get the full picture, it will start as an embryo, then it will grow until it reaches full term. 

How you know that you are getting ready to give birth to your dream, is that you will start to feel pain in the form of life’s circumstances. You will start to feel braxton hicks (false labour- prepares you for the real birth). When the real labour is here, your waters will break and the pain will intensify. At the beginning of September, I started crying for no reason, the Lord showed me that my waters had broken in the spirit. The warfare became intense, but it was not yet time to push. When a woman’s water is broken, she still has to wait until she is 10cm dilated before she can give birth. I want to encourage you that you are pregnant with a dream. Whether you are 3,6 or 9 months pregnant, hold on because the day for you to give birth is coming. For some of you reading this, your time is now. Stay tuned for part 2.

God bless you and thank you for reading.

Overcoming Barriers To Stepping Out Into The Unknown- Part 2

In my last blog, I said that there are many barriers to stepping out into the unknown. But I decided to deal with three and those are;

Fear of the Unknown
Fear of other people’s opinions
Fear of failure

I dealt with the first barrier to stepping out into the unknown and that was fear of the unknown. So the next barrier I would like to deal with is the fear of other people’s opinions.

Fear Of Other People’s Opinions

This was one of my biggest fears. Stepping out into the unknown was scary but exciting at the same time. When I took my first step to leaving my familiar surroundings, there was one thing that slowed down my progress. I was constantly concerned about what other people were thinking about me. It was so bad that my mentors at the time confronted me about it and I had to admit it that I was actually concerned about what others thought of me and my journey. It was so bad that it almost cost me my destiny. That changed when God asked me the question’ Who Are You?’. When He told me who I was in His eyes, the desire to please others just disappeared. I now developed a Godfidence that is what I call it, it is a God kind of confidence. The root of people pleasing stems from insecurities and rejection, the constant need to be approved by others. I recognised this in myself that throughout my childhood nothing was ever good enough in my home and where I attended church for a period of time. There was a constant pressure to be perfect and it was in November when God started to reveal these flaws to me. That season was a ‘river Jordan experience’, this was where all of the not so nice things started coming to the surface. I overcame this barrier by spending more time with the Lord and reading His word concerning my life. I spent more time in worship, I worked out which had an effect on my mental and emotional health. I posted affirmations around my apartment and on my bathroom mirror. So everyday I was empowering myself in God’s word to be who He had called me to be. The result of this was I stopped worrying about what others thought of me. It is a beautiful feeling when you no longer focus on the negative opinions of others.

Fear of Failure

The third barrier is the fear of failure. I believe everyone at some point in their life will experienced this. Everyone at some point including me have failed in one way or the other. I read this a while ago and it said, “failure is success turned inside out”. Failure is just an opportunity to learn something that you never knew before. I had so many moments in my journey when I said to God, please don’t let me fail but I now look at failure in a different way. Failure is my opportunity to learn something new. Some of my greatest lessons came from my experiences of failures and mistakes. I relied and still rely on 2 Corinthians 12:7-9. God’s grace is sufficient for me. The Lord took me to Matthew chapter 25:14-30, this is about the servants who received the five, two and one talents. When you read from verse 24-30, you see that the servant with the one talent did not multiply his talents because he was afraid. Verse 30 shows us the end result for this servant. God is not asking you to be perfect, He just wants you to say yes. God likes risk takers, just like Peter in Matthew 14:24-31, he stepped out of the boat and even though he started sinking, God was there to catch him. Do not be afraid of failing, even if you feel like you are going to fail, know that God will turn it for your good, Romans 8:28.

God bless you and thank you for reading

Overcoming The Barriers To Stepping Out Into The Unknown 

  

There are many barriers to stepping out into the unknown. The last time I blogged, I dealt with stepping out into the unknown and I used the example of Abraham in Genesis chapter 12 verse 1, where God told Him to leave His country and kindred (his relatives) and go to a place where He will show him. This was a word of direction as it was vague and not very clear. 

Like Abraham, I received a word of direction. In fact God gave me this scripture to confirm His word for me to step out into the unknown. I said yes to the Lord and I thought that because of my obedience , everything was going to be easy for me. But just a few months later after taking my first step, I noticed that I had a few barriers that I had to overcome before stepping into my place of destiny for this season. There were many barriers but the main barrier was fear. I experienced fear in three different areas and these were:

  • Fear of the unknown 
  • Fear of the opinions of man 
  • Fear of failure 

Everyone who goes through transition will face fear in these three different areas. The Israelites struggled with these barriers in the wilderness when they were getting ready to possess their promised land.

Fear Of The Unknown

Fear of the unknown is the fear of stepping out of your comfort zone. It is the fear of stepping out into unfamiliar territory. However there is a danger to this when transition presents itself in your life, it is the opportunity to step into a new dimension, a new level. Transition does not wait for no man. When an individual miss their call to transition, the next step after this is falling into a rut and a season of stagnancy and unproductivity. The Lord has had me working on a project so here is a little snippet into what He revealed to me. In Mark chapter 11, we read about the fig tree; Jesus saw a fig tree in verse 13, as He was hungry, He proceeded to take a fruit from the tree, but there was no fruit yet the tree had leaves. The scripture clearly states that the time of figs was not yet but Jesus cursed the tree. I said to the Lord that was harsh until I looked deeper I understand why. God showed me that though it was not time (chronus- chronological time) for the tree to bring forth, Jesus had showed up (Kairos moment- opportunity, a moment where God changes everything). This was a kairos moment for the tree to bring forth but it still did not. According to agriculture, when fig trees had leaves, this was a sign that there were going to be fruits. When there were leaves, there should have been little knobs on the tree that people could pick and eat.

So the fact that there were leaves and no knobs meant that the tree had potential but was not bringing forth. It is the same for us as believers. The opportunity to step out into the unknown is never convenient but it is necessary. God will not show up with this instruction when you expect Him to. He will require you to step out in inconvenient seasons of your life. But your entire future depends on it. When God told me to step out I was unemployed with no money. God has planted a seed of greatness on the inside of you and He will show up expecting fruit. Do not be like this tree who because it did not bare fruit it was cursed,  and cursed in this context is stagnancy, barrenness and unproductivity and if you are in this place of stagnancy, all you have to do is repent for your disobedience and say yes. That is all it takes for you to get back on track. Isn’t God great!!! So  I challenge you today, step out into the unknown. Fear and faith cannot operate at the same time so make an exchange with God and use His faith to step out into the unknown and God will move in a mighty way not just in your life but in your family and generations . It is my prayer that God will increase your faith and give you courage to step out into the unknown in Jesus Name I pray amen. I will deal with the other barriers in part two of this blog. 

God bless you and thank you for reading.